I did it!

I did it! Is that a face of relief, or what? I took my Ancient Civilizations mid-term! I know that might not sound like a big deal to some of you. Especially those of you who are currently in college and take big tests all the time. But, for some reason this was a REALLY big deal to me. Perhaps it was the kind of test that it was that got me going. I don't know. I just know that I have rarely felt the degree of anxiety that I have felt over this test. I was ready to give up a week ago and lots of you were telling me it was OK if I did. I almost had myself talked into it, but then I knew I'd never forgive myself if I did just quit. And I would never know if I could have done it. So, I just forged on ahead. I ordered the test before I was ready to take it, hoping that that would help me get ready. I have cried. I have prayed. I have studied. I have practically re-written the text, taking notes. I have reviewed my notes. I have cried some more and prayed some more. I have ranted and raved to most of you and have appreciated your listening to me. I especially appreciated your kind words last week, Sandra. And your listening to me. It helped me know what I needed to do, even if it wasn't particularly what you were suggesting I should do. And I so appreciate Scott. He has listened to me for weeks and so sweetly told me over and over again that I could do it. He so kindly gave me a blessing yesterday and assured me over and over again that I would be fine and that my brain would NOT explode. :) I was a mess as I got ready this morning. I had stayed up till almost midnight and was back up at 5:30--studying and hoping that I could remember what I had studied. As I was getting ready for the day I felt my mind just go blank and I started getting more and more anxious. As I drove down there I was listening to a CD and a Hillary Duff song came on. It is called "Someone's Watching Over Me". I felt like the words so applied to what I was thinking and feeling. Here are some of them:

So I won't give up
No I won't break down
Sooner than it seems life turns around
And I will be strong
Even if it all goes wrong
When I'm standing in the dark
I'll still believe
Someone's watching over me

It doesn't matter what people say
And it doesn't matter how long it takes
Believe in yourself and you'll fly high
And it only matters how true you are
Be true to yourself and follow your heart

So I won't give up
No I won't break down
Sooner than it seems life turns around
And I will be strong
Even if it all goes wrong
When I'm standing in the dark I'll still believe
That I won't give up
No I won't break down
Sooner than it seems life turns around
And I will be strong
Even when it all goes wrong
When I'm standing in the dark I'll still believe
That someone's watching over
Someone's watching over
Someone's watching over me

I remembered all of you that have said you'd pray for me, and I knew that indeed someone was watching over me and He didn't want me to fail or give up. I went in with renewed courage. The test consisted of 6 possible lengthy essay questions. The teacher chose 2 of the 6 and I had to choose 1 of the 2 and answer it. I felt more confident in my ability to answer some of the questions than I did others. So I was apprehensive about which ones I would be asked. The first one I saw on the test sheet was the one that I felt least prepared to answer (of the 6). Luckily, the second question I had to choose from was the one that I felt second most prepared to answer. I sat down and took almost an hour to write out an outline, brainstorming about all that I remembered about the question. Then I started writing and wrote for about 1 hr. 45 minutes. I had a 3 hr. time limit and was surprised how close I got to using it all. I am not sure I got an A, but do feel confident that I passed it and did OK. It has to be mailed back to BYU and then graded and posted, so I probably won't know until I am back home from Europe what grade I got. But, now I can finish getting ready for the trip and not think about ancient history for a bit. I just wanted to thank you all for your support and prayers. And to let you know that I survived...and that we are on our way to Italy and Switzerland!!! Yeah!

My thoughts and prayers will continue to be with each of you while we are gone--especially Mother, Dad and Maxine. I hope that all of you will continue to improve and gain strength daily. I wish you could all go with us. We will carry you in our hearts.

Julia is in San Antonio on a choir trip and will return on Sunday. Hope it's lots of fun!

Switzerland and Italy, here we come! Auf wiedersehen!